I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
