just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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