no, he came in my armpit
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
