genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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