I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
