so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
