there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
