I hope my margaritas pass through security.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
