He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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