She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it glows. i had to have it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
