please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
