I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
