i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
