I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
