She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We don't watch enough power rangers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
