I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
