I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
