I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
