dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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