Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
