I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
