I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize