and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
