Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
