Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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