Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
