God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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