Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize