I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
