I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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