I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
