I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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