I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize