I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
