They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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