This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
