...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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