morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
