He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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