Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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