What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
