i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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