Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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