I CAN MOONWALK!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
