shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
