Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
