My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
