we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
