i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
