Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
