my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
