I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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