I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize