what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
