some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
