I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
