..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
