woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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