wat bout pragnant strippers??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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