cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
