So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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