I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
handjob tips. give me some.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
