Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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