My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my liver is dry heaving
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
