it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
