she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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