what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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