You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
