I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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