Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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