I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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