she looked like the bat from fern gully.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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