I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
