He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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