Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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