I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
