Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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