i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
