I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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